The introduction

Lost. I lost someone very important yesterday. I also lost myself today.

She was the girl who made those smiles on my face possible. She is Jennifer, 18 years in age, and is studying in the same school as I am.

I have to thank my cousins, Ben and Julia. If it was not for them, I might not have know Jennifer. I was invited to their chalet and so was Jennifer, who happens to be Julia's classmate. There was a celebration of one of their classmate's birthday and I could still remember clearly the first few words Jennifer said to me. She was offering my the birthday cake and I kind of rejected it, "NA, take the cake la!" Well I care less about the rudeness and took it.

Then I was a somewhat emotionless guy, I do not smile, do not cry and I do not get angry. During the few days stay at the chalet, Jennifer ENTERED my life. I smiled whenever i see her at joy. I immediately realised that she is the one. I thought and still thinks that she is the girl of my life.

We had our happy moments and we shared our sad problems. She told this, "then you have to stay happy always okay?" "I think for me to be happy, I will need you. Let's share burdens." i replied. I requested her to be my girlfriend less than four days of knowing her existence. And she nodded.

She told me not to let anyone know about our relationship. I didn't query nor did i hesitate. I thought, other people do not have to see how much i love you.

She wanted a broke up 2 days ago, but I only agreed to it yesterday. Yesterday morning, I went over to her place, waiting for her at 'our seats'. She didn't come down. I went home feeling terrible, I was not ready to let her go. Evening, i went over to her work place, hoping that she would see me at least after her work ended. She agreed. I was not allowed to call her 'darling' anymore. Pain was the word.

After our talk, she said she needs a break, she was tired and stressed up. I had no choice to give her the break she wanted.

I am sorry to hold you up for so late that night.

Today, I didn't know what was right. I told myself that I will continue to win her heart when she is ready because I do not want my happiness to slip away. Then again, I am afraid she wouldn't give herself and me the chance. I will not give up though.

I looked into the mirror and i can't seem to find the smile you gave me.